Thursday, August 12, 2010

I AM (SO NOT) LOVE


How can you give this up?

HONG KONG---- I saw I AM LOVE on the plane from Tokyo (Just as well since my husband wasn't planning on buying the DVD because it's a 'pouf's film') The people and the main house are SOO CHIIC....that is, until Tilda Swinton falls in love with the cook and goes to his shack in such a God-forsaken location that even the cook's father knows that opening a restaurant there is a bad business idea.
(The film itself was a bad idea not only because she became unchic when she started the affair but because there was a whole sepia-toned scene on a field straight from 70s porn that was so long that when I came back from the loo and stealing chocolate, it was STILL going on. I would be happier if they replaced that scene with something in a cafe or anywhere as long as Marissa Berenson and Tilda Swinton are in CHIC CLOTHING---even if they are pulling each other's hair out.)

Waddap with the grey sweats and bandana? As she falls deeper in love with the cook (her son's friend) she starts dressing worse and worse until you get to the final outfit----some kind of tracksuit not even a Chinese construction worker would be caught wearing on top of a bamboo scaffolding!

The opening frame shows Swinton in her beautiful, traditional Italian kitchen in a camel coloured V-neck sweater (might be Jil Sander or Loro Piana). You could tell she was wearing clothes of excellent quality. In walks her good looking son in an equally well-cut suit, greeting the staff, the major doma passes thru wearing a twin set, etc. The first scene already established that this movie is beyond chic, chic, chic--wealth (in their case, losing it), close knit family, beautiful surroundings....You know the look---think: Ralph Lauren but Italian, therefore 1000x chicer. Tod's campaign but older family.

The rest of the family arrives and her mother-in-law, played by Marissa Berenson ups the chic-o-meter even more when she removes a full length (maybe sable) fur which the maid takes away. She is wearing a silk shirt and well-cut trousers, which is the current trend this autumn.

The ground floor of the house has an entry hall that leads into a library, that leads into a sitting room that leads into a grand dining room. Her bathroom is carrerra marble. She has a gorgeous and chic family (they seem nice, too!), a beautiful garden, a good looking husband who may or may not be loyal (but hey, he's Italian), chic clothes, beautiful jewellery, loyal and efficient staff (you should see how the family dinner is served and conducted from the kitchen. Valentino would be proud).

And she leaves all that for a young COOK!!! A cook who lived in a SHACK and didn't have even have a hotdog stand. Jamie or chef Gordon would not even hire the guy for a reality show. Plus, the cook might not even be that good looking because I don't remember what he looks like now.
(If I were her, I would have just paid a rent boy for a week or so)

This is similar to the way Eat, Pray, Love left her husband for an adventure of heat, food, camping and hippie clothes---the things I hate most---(if she didn't cough up a bestseller out of that experience she will merely be a statistic of the unemployed in America today)

If this is love then I don't want any part of it. In fact, I want to run really far away from it!! FAST!

Maybe I haven't fallen in love deeply enough (or maybe I am not chic enough to become noticeably unchic overnight) but I wonder...

Why is this 'running away from your husband' theme so popular?

Am I the only happy person in this world? (Happy but not content, okay? I could use another flat, more Verdura baubles, more dogs, new china sets, new Italian sheets, etc.)

Maybe I'M THE ONE who is CRAZY!!???

On that note, I have two reasons why I LOVE HK, why I can't possibly bring myself to leave completely:
1) Dries Van Noten
2) Rick Owens
Each one with a boutique. Side by side. At the Landmark. Opening mid-August! About the same time I move into my dogs' new flat!

Monday, August 2, 2010

Japan-o-pile


Today's quote: A city is not a city without sleaze. (a favourite line from my textile production teacher in --where else?--New York City)

TOKYO--Before I leave for the sleaze, heat and discord of Hong Kong this week, I would like to mention a few observations I have on the civility of Japanese government and society.

Only in Japan---

1)...are emergency services polite. Ambulance sirens produce a 'tune' (similar to that of France) instead of a jarring noise. Everyone in cars, being polite, gives way. No exceptions. But the Japanese win the grand prize for politeness using a louspeaker, ". (I guess the Japanese for move over)..kudasai....Arrigato gozaimas..." In other countries which shall remain nameless, that would be translated as, "Get da fuck ow dof da way!"
Of course, the ambulance was probably rushing over to save someone who couldn't take politeness anymore and decided to kill himself. That or he was too polite to bother the postman...

2)...speaking of Japan Post, where else do they offer you free candy when you enter the post office, ATM service and pick-up service for oversized parcels. (I think this is why they are broke)

3)....does City Hall have a toy repair service every month. So THAT'S where our tax money goes!!

4) ...did someone ask me, "Do your Toto toilets at home have a 'tune?" What tune did you pick?""
Let me explain this exciting loo concept to those inexperienced in the ways of Japanese elimination. Japan is a country populated by Larry Davids in complete denial of toilet habits; therefore not only do they not touch each other (they bow), they do not touch anything remotely connected to using the toilet --a) they pioneered the no-touch flush (no news there) and b) when they use the loo, they get so embarrassed that you can press a musical button and it plays a tune or produces a flushing sound. That's so the person in the next stall will not know if you're having a pee (which he can hear) or a poo (which will either be silent or a Nagasaki bomb).
There are also washlets and dryers but that's another story.

To answer that question, it is, unfortunately 'No" because you will be 100% alone in that toilet behind a soundproof door with sandalwood scented toilet paper within easy reach. Of course, if I had a choice of a tune, perhaps I would choose, "When the going gets tough...." Ugh!!