Saturday, December 19, 2009

IT'S IN THE BAG---well, maybe not

MEGEVE, France----

Italian designer Alberta Ferretti told Elle UK (Jan 2010) : 'A bag only needs to be big enough to carry your lipstick.' (I assume she means an evening bag but then there is speculation that the Queen has nothing in her purse!)

A woman who carries evening bags that hold nothing can mean any of the following:
1) I am so organized and/or wealthy and/or have such a huge and/or efficient staff that I don't need to bring anything. This is a result of the premise that the more powerful or wealthy the woman, the smaller her purse. Have you ever seen First Ladies carrying the Fendi Spy bag? Like my husband likes to say, 'If you are REALLY important or the issue is THAT important, people will know where and how to reach you.'

2) I can compartamentilize my life so well that I don't need to bring the blackberry. Either that or I have a PA trailing me who HAS my blackberry. See point (1) There is also a servant /driver with a garage clicker who opens my front door/Pentagon-level security gates. See point (1).

3) It's a European thing. Not bringing anything is a chance for flirtation. The chance to bum a cigarette off that cute guy (who turns out to be gay), the chance to ask for a pen and paper (you will only get it from a waiter) and the freedom of not bringing keys either because you are bent on going home with someone (such as your husband who HAS the keys and the bank account--this usually does not end in fliration but argument or worse, divorce).

This reminds me of my masseuse here who refuses to get snow tires or a 4x4 and often gets stuck in the snow. One time I asked her why she didn't just get even a cheap Fiat Panda 4x4 and she replied, 'I can always ask a man to help me.'

Take note feminists, not triple A but a MAN! (My husband always helps her so after his relaxing massage, he gets to flex his muscles. Then he gets angry that she doesn't have a 4x4)

Who woulda thunk?

But then I wonder, just to stay warm waiting for 'a man' to help her (like if my husband wasn't around) would lead her to AA.

This damsel in distress attitude may really work because once she was stuck with moi and no homme and get this---suddenly, a tractor show up driven by 'a man' who pulls her up my driveway!!
(The Secret in action!)

Meanwhile when I have to catch a flight, can't put the chains on and get stuck in a ditch , am snowed in without a shovel and....well, you know what happens.

Nothing!

Friday, December 18, 2009

BETWEEN CHIC AND DEATH

Megeve, France---It is MINUS -9 degrees. Do you know where your fur is?

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE and I apologize for not having visuals for this entry (not that they were ever any good...) because (are we surprised?) I don't know how to work my computer at home. But I can work the toaster and the lights.

Today's quote:
KG: Exactly how good looking is he?
Friend: He is so good loking I can't play tennis with him because people might talk.
(Wow! Must he has to be cuter than Bradley Cooper!)

I thought of Chic and Death as a year ender because:
a) the demographic of Megeve is on the Alzheimer map which means that the population falls between chic and death. Geneva's is between 90 and death. No wonder assisted suicide is legal in Switzerland.
b) I just bought my husband a Hero Go Pro camera which you can stick onto any surface (including a ski helmet, which he plans to do) and record footage.
c) Then I thought: Last year, at about this time, Natasha Richardson (or whoever is the wife of Liam Neeson and the Natasha who is NOT on Californication--Im too lazy to google) died in a ski accident and she supposedlty wasn't wearing a helmet. I had a similar accident last year but obviously, and unfortunately for my enemies, I did not die.
(Plus upon advice of my husband, I did everything I WAS NOT supposed to do such as get up right away and not go to the hospital. Why ruin a ski holiday if you can get up, ski and entertain a chalet-full of guests? Maybe because you could die? )

Many people have told me to wear a helmet. Okay--maybe in America where ski clothes are unchic and they have unchic laws like having to wear helmets and speed police in Aspen---I would wear one.

But God forbid in France!! Mon Dieu!
People here ski in jeans or corduroy with cashmere sweaters 'casually' slung on their shoulders. Very Euro.

I am thinking of whether I should be seen skiing with my husband, l'etranger et le anglais who WILL be wearing a helmet, onto which he will attach his new toy! But he knows how to read the map and I don't, you see, so I need him.

The last thing I want is to be found as a cryogenic experiment on the piste the following morning like Michael Jackson and Bubbles. Except as we know, Michael Jackson had tons of other experiments done on himself.

This choosing between chic and death also reminds me of something one of my editors, a cancer survivor told me. She said one of the best things about cancer was that she lost so much weight that she was able to buy a whole new wardrobe out of necessity and was finally able to fit into sample sizes.

What can I say? The fashionable life is all about being able to shop the press sales!!

Speaking of the fashionable life, I highly recommend 'The Towering World of Jimmy Choo: A Glamorous story of power, profits and the pursuit of the perfect shoe.' I'm not a Jimmy Choo fan. In fact, I hate their shoes but I admire their business model and Tamara Mellon (even if you know she injects excess patent coating into her skin).

I can't bring myself to fork over 1000 USD for a pair of shoes only to see every secretary and her boss in HK wearing it. That also goes for Louboutin. But if there were only a few such as Verdura's pine cone where there is a limited edition of ONE....Then I'll have to sell my house.

The title says it all but for those of you who always want to see both sides of the story, this is it. Objectively written, well-researched yet reads like Dynasty. Am I dating myself? I don't watch Gossip Girl because I also can't work the DVD.

Oh well, there is always the calculator which I soon will have to use to find out how much I really spent this month!!