Monday, January 26, 2009


Obviously, it is that time of the year when I have to go skiing and the worst part is not putting on enough gear to topple over or getting up early (bad enough) but having to DO HOUSEWORK!!! It's the worst!! (and I can't criticize the French government enough for making it so hard for me to bring my helper!!----I don't even want to get into it or else it will just be---excuse my French!---)

HAPPY CHEKUA NEW YEAR pala to all the gheys I've loved before.....
Don't you just lurve how unpretentious the cheks are about their New Year? No one wishes you peace, remembers the birth of Christ and the spirit of love and giving (although the giving of lai see or red envelopes is enough to bankrupt Sri Langka) but simply 'health and wealth in the year of the Ox'----Isn't that all we need in life?
LOVE -- SO overexposed it makes Paris and Britney look media shy
WORLD PEACE-- Who fuckin' cares. The world can burn as long as I can stay home, horizontale with a pile of books and magazines. I don't even need a TV or iPod dock because I can't operate them.
CHRIST--Jesus H. Christ---talk about media power. He had the best PR man in St. Peter. Look at how long Christianity has been going on. I bet ....Peggy Siegal, Max Clifford and (if you want to be small time about it) Manila's \Boy Abunda....only wish they could do half as good.

Talking about reading....since I know many of you don't! I highly recommend 'Can You Ever Forgive Me? Memoirs of a Literary Forger' by Lee Israel. It's short (good for gen-Internet), witty, precise and simply perfect. I wish I could write like her.
It is a story of someone who never lost in her life and had to struggle to survive late in life. It is about someone who always had talent , was always brilliant, never ever got a rejection letter until her career took a downturn.
What did she do to pay the rent, buy booze and cigarettes? She forged and sold to reputable dealers, the most beautiful 'letters from Dorothy Parker, Noel Coward, Louise Brooks and Lillian Hellman.'
This is not a case of plagiarizing for the school paper nor is it a Jason Blair incident. It is a story of what happens when a famous and respectable author fails in her career.
It can happen to you. It can happen to me. It can happen to the Gucci Gang (if not already--hahaha!!).
I urge you to read all 129 pages of it...You can read it in the bath!! (Well, no--maybe on the plane to Cebu)
It's a story that takes you from the height of someone's career to desperation to survive in New York City, one of the toughest, if not the toughest town in the world.
Just as you think she is at her lowest point, things get worse.
Just like the way the world is today. Un-be-fuckin'-lievable!!!

Sunday, January 18, 2009


I went to see the movie AUSTRALIA, heralded as the most glamorous tourism exposure for Australia (the country) but it wasn't, really. It's simply a long, sappy and terrible film with great costumes and some comedy relief. I highly recommend it at this time since there is nothing else to see except that idiotic Marley and Me (I read the book and was not amused) and that unaspirational Brad Pitt movie and yet another unaspirational film with Kate Winslet and Leo di Caprio called Revolutionary Road. You just KNOW these people who have everything need to 'do what they love and find themselves' and someone will end up dead, wounded, crazy or sobbing excessively in some mosquito-infested country all because they had to 'follow their dream....'
Now you know why Chinese and Bollywood films are gaining popularity......

So this movie--OZ---could have been a slideshow of the beauty of OZ but NHHOO---it was a slideshow of the beauty of Nicole (she is, anyway) and Hugh Jackman who I would not recognize even if I saw him at Giordano. She is SO SLIM in this film--is she wearing a girdle?? I know Dr Cutty in House, does. Very obvious.
On the Oz scenery--everything is brown and terracotta. And dusty. The same as Scotland or Ireleand where everything is green and grey. And wet.
If I were the studio, I would have finished the movie at aboriginal mestizo Noah's voice over..."And that was the first time I ever heard of Christmas..." (pan around the farm, wide angle and cut to finish!) because the costumes go downhill after that and you have already seen the best part of the film, the bull stampede. (Who cares about the story because it's already bad) The next costume change is into Banana Republic 1982 but unlaundered for months.
.....THEN you will also shorten the movie by one hour and cut your budget considerably. But had to continue for 'the human drama"--not that there wasn't enough--- (if you want a dog drama, see my previous posts) and also I think the Oz aborigines will complain because then the kid doesn't get to 'stay in the picture' and you can't use the line at the end, "I must discover my country. YOUR country....' ekekeke chuvalu....blah bla roll credits....
And at the end, you feel so dusty that you just want to go home and have a bath.

NOW THIS SLASHER FILM!!! The scariest I've ever seen in my life!! Scarier than The Others, Blair Witch and that Spanish one in the orphanage. THIS SHOULD win the OZ tourism award because it really shows Oz as God's country. In fact, not God's country but God's creative laboratory---the colors, the shapes, textures, the panorama....Un-be-fuckin-believeable. Unlike anything in the world!
But if you ever finish watching this film, you wouldn't want to visit Oz again because it makes their people look like a bunch of mad hick murderers.
But I go there all the time and I LABS EET!! It's like LA but clean with no poor people. And the guys look like MEN (even if they are gay).

PS Speaking of poufs, thinks TIM YAP might be going to jail. What great news! And what great pictures we will have of him with coloured hair in a line-up photo with ID number (6666969??) and what--Paul Smith stripes as background?? And it seems like the furry cuffs I put on Alicia Santos Daniels in my book is now going to be on Yoyo Tan. My, truth is tons more exciting than fiction!! I could NEVAH imagine that!
Speaking of ASD, Anton san Diego is opening some kind of establishment called you guessed it, The Establishment, next guessed it. Embassy!
Perhaps the Taguig government better just raze that whole block and build a multi-use complex since one establishment is already involved in multi use.....of drugs. Ay complex pala...Ay multi drug use...Ay, it's complicated....

Friday, January 16, 2009

A DOG'S DAY AFTERNOON-closing remarks

That's me and Tallulah with our helper/yaya/chef/fashion consultant/walker/personal shopper Nora who helps us get through our day. Everytime she does the laundry she wonders how Mom can have the wardrobe she has because daw 'bakla lang ang susuot ng ganyan..." Look at us. We also look like baklas.
PARTY ANIMAL: Public Enemy #1
What can I say about my sister, the social outcast, Tallulah Butthead II? She was really named after legendary actress Tallulah Bankhead because Mom thought she'd grow up to be a beauty but all she is now is someone like Tallulah Bankhead---she' a slut!
Her father was an Alsatian who raped her mother. She then walked off the roof and died. Can you blame her? Then Daddy proceeds to put Tallulah's head in his mouth. She still has the scars.
Now you can understand why she has so many deep seated psychological and social adjustment problems. So much so that we got dis-invited from Daisy the Cocker Spaniel's despedida in 2002 because daw 'the Dalmatian was coming and he didn't get along with Talullah..." (but that spotted creature had issues of his own kasi bakla siya and we were gonna out him!)
This dog is so insane and manic depressive that we had to see a shrink and she was given mind altering drugs under the Animal National Health Service in Taiwan!!
Plus NO ONE LIKES HER except Wong Wong and Nora and that's only because she's paid.
Tallulah is so sipsip to humans that she puts too much brown into brown nosing.
If I were that kid in da photo, I'd be scared because that bitch looks cute and sweet on the outside but has the mind and actions of a killer.


That's me in the organic cotton handknit sweater my sis Tallulah gave me for my birthday. Now she is jealous of her own gift and wants one for herself. You know the type---she's one of those who wants what you have not because she really likes it but because YOU have it.

That's me waiting for my cue to pick out names from the 'tambiolo' for our raffle. Unfortunately, I don't look glamorous here--- I merely look like a dog who is out on the street begging.

AAAHH!!---the reliable King Charles Spaniel Teddy and Pomeranian Barbie who sometimes come to the house to visit. Teddy was one of the lucky winners of the raffle. But he's really not so lucky because his ears got torn off by one of the Huskies from the 12th floor who we OBVIOUSLY DID NOT INVITE! And Barbie is blind in one eye because---you guessed it!! The social misfit A-ti pawed it off!!! GROSS!

OOOHH---It's Radar, the strong and silent but deadly type. My French-understanding boyfriend from next door. So silent that he got lost and didn't come back until 3 days later. (Did I notice?) He was also one of the lucky winners of the raffle even if he didn't make an effort with any outfit. But he (his owner) is French so their style is effortless.


There's Jess who already ate her cookies and chicken pie and is now hassling her yaya for pancit and dumplings. In the background is Lulu, who has no friends so I felt sorry for her and invited her. Of course, like any charity case, she ate a lot. At first, nahihiya pa but she ate SO MUCH, I'm tellin' ya....SO MUCH!! Nag-take home pa ng chicken pie, ha....
Who is this HK Chekua human interloper who I a) don't know, b) do not like and c) is blocking my sunset?
UGH! That's Bilou, one of the social interlopers, pretending to be enjoying the party and trying to blend in with the yayas. This guy actually had a party last month and didn't invite me and Tallulah and has the GUTS to SHOW UP at MY PARTY a) not dressed, b) eating our food and c) behaving as only a Lab can behave: uncivilized. See my issue with the OTHER Lab, the social idiot, A-ti.
Not only THAT--this Bilou had a party 'only for Labs' and dahil hindi kami pure breed, hindi kami im-bita!! EXCUSE ME!! Who is in denim today? Aber?? And I heard my party was BETTER!! Sa guest list lang, talo na siya....

Thank God we ordered enough chicken pies because we had THREE (count 'em!)!! THREE canine interlopers and countless human hangers on. The worst thing about interlopers is that they usually don't come properly dressed and they eat all your food.
Bilou is one---see photo above. I should put it up in the post office and 7-11.
Robert and Isabel are the other two. They are SO NOT Robert Isabell of Glorious Foods, okay. But they loved my glorious food.
AT ETO PA.....Dog-faced gatecrashers Robert and Isabel even had the guts to bring a camera!! But when they were using it they kept saying, "Nahihiya kami gumamit...." WHELL! The SHOULD be ashamed of themselves especilally now that they refuse to let me see any photos from MY PARTY!! (That's because they haven't finished photo shopping their ugly, kapal selves!)
Who do they think they are?? Hello Magazine at Catherine Zeta-Jones' and Michael Douglas' wedding? My sister Tallulah took her Door Nazi job so seriously that when Robert and Isabel were sitting quietly in a corner, she came up and attacked them.
I'm telling you, a party is never complete without a catfight by dogs.


Jess (dark brown with green ribbon) is late but at least she made an effort with her outfit. She even brought me a gift--a can of dog food. But that idiot Lab A-ti behind us is so uncivilized I don't know why I invited him. He ate most of the food.
OY! Door Nazi Tallulah! Are these guys on the guest list? Let them in. Wong Wong is in vintage Valentino, Teddy is in Lanvin for Acne jeans and Barbie is in pink flannel from Mongkok. I can see who made an effort. The coolest one will win the raffle.

My sis Tallulah Butthead II and I wait for my party to start. If that white bitch eats all the food, I'll pee on her blanket tonight.

The guests arrive, including a human interloper. Sigurado this woman is here only for the pancit. For sure 'yan, mudder! I'm surprised the whole World Wide House is not here.

Mingling with the guests including the uncivilized Lab and menace to your garden and furniture, A-ti. Look how no one wants to get close to him. He ruins our outfits by pawing at us!!! He better not eat my Chanel camellia.

Thank God we had enough food for the dogs and more than enough for the yayas (pancit enough to feed a baranggay, mamon, dumplings and soy milk and Coke) and to bribe the security guard and other passers-by who for sure will tell the building board that there was a DOG party in a 'No Dogs Allowed' area.
Where are we supposed to go? Our building? Last year when Toby the sheepdog had a BBQ they had to cancel it because 'strangers' are not allowed in the building 'kuno! But they allow so many construction workers who probably steal stuff, unlike us!


Sammy says to her sister Tallulah: Bitch! We have so many clothes and you HAD to choose the SAME outfit!!! Look at Wong Wong in red Valentino laughing at us!!
Da spread: Oreo-style peanut butter biscuits filled with vanilla, canine chicken pie from three Dogs Bakery in happy Valley, beef jerky giveaways from France and raffle prizes for guests

Sammy in Chipie denim checks out her spread.

My dog Sammy Doggis Junior turned 15 this month and since that is equivalent to 112 human years and she is older that Erap's mom, we decided to give her a birthday party in the park in our 'hood where there is a big sign that says "No Dogs Allowed."
But siyempre, alam mo naman mga Pinoy, okay lang. So when the HK Chekua security guard came to stop the party, we gave him a plate of pancit, mamon and dumplings. AYOS ang problema!

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Same stories, different times....


'After the Ball: Gilded Age Secrets, Boardroom Betrayals and the Party that Ignited the Great Wall Street Scandal of 1905" (title says it all!) by Patricia Beard is an educational and gossipy read even for us who don't know the difference between a PE ratio and Peewee Herman. Or that Hermes is not only a leather goods brand.

This is the story of the fall of Equitable Insurance, one of the biggest, if not the biggest insurance company of its time. It is what we know today as AXA.

However, all one needs to do is substiute Equitable for --AIG, Lehman, Enron, car manufacturers, etc. and this historical chronicle becomes current events. JP Morgan is in it as himself, so is Henry Clay Frick, EH Harriman and other 'bold faced' names that we now know as museums, foundations or simply RICH!
I have not read her other work (author of six non-fiction books) but it seems like Beard makes the history of Wall Street carnage her specialty. Her other book is "Blue Blood and Mutiny: The Fight for the Soul of Morgan Stanley"---which is STILL going through Hex in the Citi.
From information in After the Ball, I had one of my....
Conversations with my husband
Kitty: Was there still a Holy Roman Empire in 1900? How come Pope Pius X was able to bestow someone with the title Countess of the Holy Roman Empire?
Husband: Weren't those the Hapsburgs? Didn't Napoleon marry his son off to a Hapsburg so he could crown him Emperor of the Holy Roman Empire?
K: I think in 1900 the Hapsburgs were the Austro-Hungarian Empire and probably had Empress Sissy in Austria--the one stabbed through her corset. Empress Marie-Therese, the mother of Marie-Antoinette was a Hapsburg. Do you think Catherine Oxenburg is a Hapsburg?
H: Who is that?
K: She was on Dynasty with Joan Collins and Linda Evans.
H: She's probably not a Hapsburg. Just Euro-trash who impressed Americans.
(I read a comment somewhere that Americans are so easily impressed with titles and royalty because they can't tell the difference between a footman and the Lord Chamberlain)

Friday, January 9, 2009


My friends at have posted a great entry (A Society in Crisis) on the 'new conservative' way we live today. Or the way we should have been living financial crisis or not! Bonus comedy relief for readers is the dorky photo of Tim Yap and Shoppingera as "The Donald" (Duck).
(I only have the photo above and GAWD knows who they ARE! Maybe Football Wives)

Despite being in the fashion media and encouraging people to buy the latest 'must have', I agree with Boldstar that we should not be spending money we don't have. But as a member of one of the most fickle of businesses, I would like to make the following comments in defense of those like me who love fashion, make a living of it, TRY (very hard) not to overspend and pay our bills in full on time (well, my husband no shoppingera VIP points for me).

The idea of what it means to be rich is relative. An investment banker who takes home 2 million in bonuses and lives between three homes and now has to live on 500,000 will feel poor. Suicidal! But imagine what you could do with 500,000?

There was a study conducted among Harvard graduates where they were asked if they would rather live in a place where they were making 50,000 USD but were the richest in town or 100,000 USD but were one among many. Guess which majority chose? 50,000.

Despite many people having lost money, those in the upper strata of international wealth may have seen this coming and/or may have lost, what, about 30-40% of their net worth? (This does not include Bernie Madoff and other hedge fund victims who have literally lost everything but I THINK they HAD to be smart enough to squirrel the money SOMEWHERE!)

That means if you had a billion dollars (since millions seem to mean nothing these days) you would still have about 700 million which leaves enough to buy stocks or houses at depressed prices (like Miami?), hedge currencies (which ones??), buy commodities (corned beef?) and other investments more cheaply now than at the top of the market. That is, if you have confidence in the markets, which most people don't these days.

Or you could hold on to your cash and take it with you to the bunker that will be loaded up with canned goods, water, dog food and guns. Many articles and books have come out about this bunker theory and I am leaning towards this belief.

(Because of this financial crisis, we have come up with more contingecy plans than the Pentagon)

But can you bring your Birkin into the bunker? OF COURSE! You can even be buried with it like Bryan Boy!
(Which reminds me of my gay friend in Singapore who went for his mandatory military service and told his CO that if there was a war, he just wanted to let the CO know that he would be the first to fall out and run for his life carrying all his Hermes!)

We are at the worst financial situation since the Great Depression but the market will return in fighting form. Not soon. Not next year but it will return. At that time, Bryan Boy and other Birkin owners can emerge from their bunkers unscathed.

Why am I discussing the Birkin even if I am not a fan? I may continue to lose my mind and some of my money but I still retain objectivity.

It is because Hermes stock is up 14%, unlike LVMH and PPR (Gucci and Bottega to you Duty Free shoppers) which are down 40% (a reflection of international markets). I have my opinions on PPR-Gucci which I will keep to myself until I get the chance to say, "I KNEW IT!" "I told you so!"

I THINK--and I have never read qualifications as to why Hermes stock is up---it is because people are looking for merchadise that is lasting, with value for money and not trend driven. De Beers has also picked this up with full page ads in the Herlad Tribune. This is the same thing I told Mr Luigi Loro Piana at lunch before the Hong Kong Regatta. The Loro Piana business is based on classics that are enduring and of excellent quality. Customers who buy this label expect only clothing made of top-grade cashmere, wool or their Storm System. They will expect to pay high prices for a collection that has no secondary lines.

They also are the biggest (if not the sole) supplier of vicuna, a very rare and expensive fiber from an indigenous Peruvian mammal. Price? 6000 pounds (Yes! almost 10,000 USD even with the weak pound) for a dressing gown or a sweater, 2000 pounds for a scarf.

And don't think these things ever go on sale. These are things people who are relatively untouched by the recession buy every year. Furs at the top end of the market like sable and chinchilla will continue to sell. Haute couture will survive. Mrs. Billionaire may not be ordering 10 gowns starting at 100,000 euros this year. She might only order 6. But she'll still be ordering.

But people (especially women) HAVE to shop (and still love it) and for us non-couture customers who may have bought two bags at Gucci in one go, we would now buy one. Or none but go to Giordano Ladies and buy a suit.

Those of us who have been prudent with money (I NEVAH pay full price!!) and selective with our shopping can follow Warren Buffet's advice on equities---buy them now at a bargain.

Sadly, even if you had the money, there is really nothing worth buying (at least in the shops). You would think design houses would try to produce beautiful stuff every season but nhhoo...They had to pick the worst time to release their worst merchandise.

I am waiting until AFTER Chinese New Year to shop. Retail will be a bloodbath. It has been going on for months in New York, London and Hong Kong, cities that are very sensitive to the financial markets.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009


20082008 must have been the year of ratting dangerously. The most exciting thing to happen in Philippine media was the launch of Brian Gorrell's, which got more hits in a minute than Rocky gets in one film. From a SINGLE incident (over a series of payments totalling 70,000 USD) and a SINGLE SHYSTER came this blog that practically had the whole Filipino community captivated for months.

I was and so were you-s. DON'T DENY IT!

This blog opened cyberspace to the truth about some of Manila's society characters who many people couldn't stand but were afraid to say so.

WHEEELLL!!! It had to take an Australian Queen to hang the DJ and put the IT' (boys and girls) in shit.

Blogs are sources for traditional media and yet they would never acknowledge them. (Why--if no one fact checks, anyway?!) But then one never gets the whole truth and-nothing-but-the truth-so-help-me-God from the larger media outfits.

Enter:, the go-to blog for everything, particularly serious government and military stuff (corruption, some corruption and more corruption) that could get you jailed or killed by a congressman.

Or simply beaten up at the golf course. (I'm tellin' ya, there's not a safe place in town no more)

Then there is me. And the one thing our three blogs have in common (aside from people trying to close us down) is that our readers know who we are and WHERE we are. SCAAARRYY!!!

OMG--What HAVE we DONE!!!????

I launched this blog in June 2008. Based on the highlights below, don't you think we didn't do so bad for six months of ratting?
(Please do not ask me for links, typepad and photo stream like Chuvaness and Bryan Boy because I don't know how to work this blogging thing)

1) Dial M for Millet Manaquil and Murder. Still don't know, huh? Four words: Who Gives A Chic?
2) Let Us Spray: Patricia Panilio pepper sprays some chick at Embassy. Case of the century has been settled by Ricardo Po.
3) Hayden Kho attempts suicide over lover's tiff with Tupperware Surgeon Vicky Belo. God knows how this ended but unlike opera or Shakespeare, he didn't die. Neither did she 'cause plastic is tough!
4) Tracy Borres, the Queen of Negritos, loses face on Facebook.
5) Chin-Chiminey Palafox and her former prisoner of a boyfriend decide the best way to beat the competition is to beat him up. Which is exactly what they did to a surgeon at East Avenue Medical Center.
And finally...Don't hate me because I am bringing it up again......
6) KC Concepcion's 'common' behaviour at the Clinton Global Initiative and the Aga Muhlach stampede in Hong Kong

Maraming Salamat sa pag-subaybay
Lots of love from Kitty and the Patrola Vine


At the rate the world is changing and at the rate the US is borrowing money from the Cheks, we will soon have to follow the lunar calendar and drop the "Chinese" in Chinese New Year.
Any-da-way....Life in gossip-landia has been VERY QUIET. Perhaps the Patola Vine and I have not been working hard enough. Or maybe my phone is dead! Between da Vine still in the greenhouse under quarantine from bringing toxins from ER and me being away, WADDA WE KNOW??
Meanwhile, a funny thing happened on the way to Geneva. This is proof that there is so much I still don't know about my husband (It was bad enough that I married him without knowing he didn't know who Michael Ovitz, Barry Diller and David Geffen were. At least he knows who Steven Spielberg is).
Me: Hey! That bridge reminds me of the bridge in 'Bridges of Madison County.'
Husband: Where is that bridge? Is it famous?
Me: It's the movie! And da book! Haven't you seen Bridges of Madison County with Clint Eastwood and Meryl Streep? The whole world has seen it.
H: No. But it's Clint Eastwood, eh? How can I not know it? What's the story on?
Me: Well, it might have been Harrison Ford because I can't tell the difference between them since they both wear hats. How can you NOT have seen it?
H: Why not? I never heard of James Taylor or Kenny G. until I moved to the Philippines. It's probably a bad movie.
Me: It's a girl's movie and the Hollywood Green Light Summary is: Never leave your wife alone for a weekend while you join the county fair or else she'll have an affair with a photojournalist in a hat.
H: WHAT!??? I leave you alone at home all day!!????
Me: Yes, but that's why you have to be grateful that I like dogs more than people.....
ABOUT THIS BLOG AND MY BOOKS- It's sort of too late to discuss this but many who have read my books and read this blog think that I indiscriminately criticize and make fun of people and events.
I DON'T. Really. I do have parameters and I can't think of a better time to enumerate these parameters than now, at the beginning of a new year and at the time I plan to release my last book.
There are always two sides to a story (well, usually more if you count the PR side) but, I'm sorry boys and girls, there is only one side that dominates. The one that gets bad PR. Remember, as they say in tabloid journalism: If it bleeds, it leads.
I know it's too late to discuss parameters and establish a certain objectivity, but WHO CARES!
1) I only pick on people at 'my level' or higher. Never the less fortunate and never the handicapped. Never people who cannot defend themselves. I think to criticize people who have less than you or who cannot defend themselves is cowardly and unfair. If you come from a position where you clearly have an advantage, then that is basically bullying and defeats the purpose of criticism or 'discussion' on a level playing field.
2) I never criticize failure. Except when one fails to get a table at the Ivy....That means failed realtionships and businesses (unless of course there was cheatin' and scammin')
There is no one in this world who has not encountered failure and it is not fair to kick people when they are at their lowest point. But of course if I don't like you, it will not be a secret and for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health...I'm gonna beat the living crap outta ya.
3) I always have an opinion on 'abuse of power or position.' (that includes people who call themselves professionals but are really unprofessional) Doncha just plain HATE people who make life hard for you 'just because they can?"
And lastly, again, because it affects everyone....
4) I can't stand people who are: a) cheap b) refuse to pay (for anything) and/or c) purposely take so long to pay you back (except if they are really broke which I will understand). This is why I devoted pages and pages in my novels to characters like Ned and Nicky Nivera (the Ocampos).