Wednesday, November 26, 2008

HELP! THE PATOLA VINE WON'T SHADDAP!!!

Q: WHAT DOES ANGELU DE LEON HAVE IN COMMON WITH PEPPER SPRAY AND SOCIAL RESPONSIBILITY?
A: A LOT! (and there's going to be a whole lot of shakin' going on after you read this post! And I ain't talkin' booty!)
This is going to be a long and complicated post so you better make a cup of tea and sit down to read it.

Let me open this post be saying that thanks to MY SOS-YAL RESPONSIBILITY, I decided to abandon my plan of going to the 90% off Chloe sale. Instead, I dashed home to write before I forgot everything that I found out at lunch today.
Are we ready for Heard at Lunch with the patola vine who refuses to shaddap? I know Prince Charles advocates talking to plants but this plant really needs to shut its venus fly trap because it's catching so many insects!
This post is all about the whole truth about the pepper sprayer (and more) and nothing but the truth so help us Buddha if you are not busy with the Dalai Lama.
There is so much information that I have decided to break the story down into character segments. Think "LOST"
THE WHOLE TOWN SKIPPED TO MY LOU EXCEPT AN-GE-LU
On a regular bitchy day I would be the first to artista-bash any movie star in a black bikini with sparkles. But this time, I will have to award the Bill Clinton Responsibilty Initiative to ANGELU DE LEON.
If Ari Gold was her agent, she would have a contract at Paramount now.
WADDAP?? You social climbers ask.
WHELLL---the patola (or PATROLA at the rate she's going) says that when Let Us Spray (see entry of 19 November 2008) happened, the only person who helped 'da victims' get to the hospital was Angelu de Leon.
I'm not saying 'da victims' is free of sin like me (hahaha!) but based on the situation, she deserved help from as many people as possible. AND at least from the club management (who were probably too doped up or blind-dead?).
(Of course, if she was stealing a 20,000 HKD dress, then she's on her own)
Not helping may not be embarrassing but it is downright disgusting and a reflection of the pretentious societal behaviour one can expect from a segment of society for whom appearances and connections really matter, no matter the situation.
The Bitch-alyzer asks: Were people blinded by the spray, blinded by the lights, blinded by the coke or just pretending to be blind because they were afraid to offend 'da addicts'--ay este--- sprayer and the lover of sprayer? (Nagtatanong lang po)
KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE BUT YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER
If Angelu de Leon wins the Responsibility prize, PaPa, as we know and love to call her, wins the Anna Wintour Frenemy Prize for Ultimate Pretense in the category of Violence.
This one really spices up a pepper spray story.
Supposedly, that fateful night when people lost sight of all social responsibility, PaPa came up to hug 'da victims' then brought out the pepper spray and (seriously) nearly blinded her.
Why was PaPa paranoid? It seems like the lover of the sprayer (let's call him Rico PunO, baby) went to Boracay with 'da victims' and a group of friends at a time when his affair with PaPa was na-papalpak na.
But now everything is perfecto after she shot down his wife's house....(more on that later)
WANTED DEAD OR SECOND HAND
It seems like violence (together with drugs, drink and gambling of course) runs in la Famiglia PaPa. But kids, remember I have nothing against vices as long as you don't use my money or use my house.
Few years ago, PaPa Bro' killed people (or someone?) over the sale of a second hand car (a mini van or Straz???--alam mo naman ako, I don't know about cars bec nag-pa-public lang ako) which he refused to pay for because he had more important debts to take care of.
NO, non, no... NOT CITIBANK debts! Worse! Gambling debts!
After stealing and killing PaPa Bro' is now 'somewhere over the rainbow....'
Your guess is as good as mine. I bet he's in Vegas with Elvis, Dodi and Diana....Maybe he's even with the car!
The Bitch-alyzer moral: Never sell a second hand car to a gambler or drug addict especially if they can't pay you up front because there is a good chance that you will first lose your car (to him), your money (to him again) and your life (yet again to him)....Isn't THAT giving too much away?
But pa yung Chloe 90% off but this is a bad-ass give away!!
KILALA MO BA AKO?
The last time the late Inday Badiday asked a kid this question on her show she got this answer.
"Opo, bakla po kayo..."
But this has nothing to do with my story....or does it?
Strike One: Da word on da street is that 'da victims' wanted to file charges but da RIco PunO threatened her with, "Do you know who I am? I am the biggest de-lata company of the Century! We can everything and can stop you from doing anything..." The only thing they can't can is coke. Or they can't stop coke..Or they can't stop....Ay may Coke in cans na pala!!!
E-strike Two: Doble Cara
A make-up artist was hired to do make-up for the model (a mermaid?)of a commercial for the de-lata company (I hope this guy was paid unlike Juan Sarte of the SPLASHY cover-ad deal--is it a deal if talent wasn't paid? Ask Ari Gold).
THEN suddenly a chopper lands at the location and PaPa and RIco PunO come down and demand that PaPa gets her make-up done, too. At no extra charge.
The Bitch-alyzer wonders: Are commercial make-up artists mow doing two for one na parang Happy Hour?
Strike Three: wala pa but the following topic will surely be a BIG HIT in more ways than one.
GIRLZ IN DA 'HOOD
I didn't know 'the villages' have become 'hoods because the patola vine tells me that PaPa conducted a drive-by shooting outside the house of d'orig Mrs. RIco PunO.
I wonder if that was just practice. Or maaay--beee it was 'an accident' like the pepper spray event.
But then PaPa has also threatened the sister of Mrs RIco PunO who teaches yoga.
Alam niyo, baka kailangan ni PaPa mag-yoga para she can attain enlightenment, calm and peace of mind instead of giving people a piece of her mind through violence.
The Bitch-alyzer wonders: Did PaPa run out of pepper spray and resort to bullets or did she run out of bullets and resort to pepper spray?
Didja get everything? That's IT! The patola vines get locked in the greenhouse never to come out....until Monday!

22 comments:

Twilight Zone said...

bwahahaha nakakaloka napaka energetic ng dating...
kaya nga ba miss na miss ko na yung paglabas ng da book part 3 lolz.
thanx for the juicy info madam.

Twilight Zone said...

grabe sa totoo lang nalukring lukring ako,the best ka talaga, not because of the chizmaks... just because of the nakakalokang delibiration hhahahaha

Oriellini said...

I'm rolling like Rolling Stones here reading this post!Who s this girl in black bikini?I miss Brian 's blog.Hope you are doing ok my dear and please post those hilarious chizmiz.

Goodbye now.

sunny said...

I love this post. Who are PP's victims please?

Team Brian Boracay said...

hindi ko maiintindihan sorry
baduy lang kami di namin ma gets ang soshalan stories.. next please

Atty. L M said...

Can I add to that?
If anything I think Ms Victim, let me call her Nano Mango is saying "Why of all people me?" pretending like she has no idea why she was sprayed, when everyone knows she's been trying to bate Rico Puno thus Papas rage. I think Nano Mango deserves the Pepper spraying because she also is a man stealer. I know for a fact she flirts with married men... she did with mine. AMEN

Masturbaktigz said...

Ricardo Po and his bitch Putatricia Panlilio (formely married to Phils Star's Cu-Unjieng who discovered he was gay because of her, but that's another story)went to a posh Boracay resort at the end of station 1 on a Friday last year for the Miss Tuna of the Century competition (what a beauty contest! Miss Tuna 2008! But who is proud to be called Miss tuna?). They arrived with their Yaya Pepper Tee-hankie who was looking after the 2 or 3 kids of Putatricia Panlilio.
They were surrounded by armed Marines (still on duty) as bodyguards and the Phils coast Guard whom Po paid to accompany them and make yabang all over the island.
All the well travelled and well educated foreign guests of the resort were appalled at the lack of education and lack of proper social behaviour of this group of baboy who brought in loud sound system on the beach, deranging everyone. Frequent trips to the room from the beach was the norm (guess for what?) At night they partied in the room with loud music and no one could stop them, including one french guest and the manager. Po, whose eyes were redder than red and popping out of his head, pulled a gun and told the foreigner to f....k off and that he can do whatever he wants. The usual "do you know who I am? "and I can have you killed"and I will expell you from my country" were thrown at all.
On the scheduled day of departure or chek-out, Po said he changed his mind and will not leave after all. Even if room was booked for other guests who were already at Caticlan airport. He told the manager he does not care, it is not his problem and asked how much to buy out the guest so he can go and f.....k off in another resort!
The manager replied money will not solve the problem, that the resort has never turned down anyone with confiormed and paid reservation but Po and Putratrica, still high on Coke, threatened to burned down the entire resort if manager would attempt to take them out of the room. The Pepper Pee-hankie was too high and too busy yayaing the kids to say anything!
This was absolutely disgusting to see idiots behaving that way in front of a mostly foreign crowd in a posh resort known for usually not housing the wannabees and social climbers of Manila. .
The sight of guns (short and long) was also a turn off for many.

alwaystruthful said...

Hello!!!!!Whoever you are life is short kung nag flirt ang tao sa husband mo i pepepper spray mo siya....kulang ka yata sa S#X!!!! Hindi mo ba alam that is a crime - sa mata pa naman puede kang ma bulag. No joke yan and you say because someone flirts they should get sprayed please. Eh paano naman si PP nagnakaw ng asawa, she cheated on her husband with a carnapper when they were married, cheated on him with his best friend when they were married and siya pa nag spray ng tao...don't play holier than thou because ang damin naging victim dahil sa magnanakaw ng gown at asawang babae na to. Siguro baliw rin si RIco PunO kung magkasama pa rin sila! Magkasama pa ba sila?

Indigokint said...

Are drive-by shootings still the fashion? How medieval.

As for the Chloe sale, I know you'd have had the connections to beat the line that extended from the building entrance all the way down to Canal Road, but everyone including my lola and her friends and their friends' friends were there.

H*U*N*E*Y F*A*Y*E said...

why can't they just be like taylor swift. just write an effin song! hahahaha

Oriellini said...

So,this PP is from the jewellery family who owns a jewelry store?whatever...i know Pepper Teehankee,the kuwago bitch gay without breeding and his father@!!!!gosh!he's one of my FLAMENCO teacher's students..and he is gay!!!

perfidalimpin said...

Omigas Abelgas! Kaya nga ba ako, I had long switched to Pepsi Max, C2 and pure unsweetened OJ (or PJ) because coke can give you more than smile sa buhay. It can make you Tillie Ling permanently as in the case of PaPa and PeePee (Tea Hankie, a.k.a. the Gym Bunny). I just feel a bit sad for PaPa though. Being a mother already, isn't she worried that her kids may get teased in school (if they aren't already). Just a few months back, her fellow coke-endorsing brother became the first ultimate survivor of “MMDA’s Most Wanted”, beating all the endorsers of Belo and Bench, and even that science experiment behind Ellen’s for having the most ubiquitous and attention-grabbing poster in Mega-Manila (as I had seen it as far away as Tagaytay). If I were in her Manolos, I would behave or at least be discreet – if only to convince people that our genes are not damned and we’re not a family of sociopaths. But I guess she can’t help it as she has always been a brat. During the 90’s, most badingger-z’s worth their diplomas from Beauty School Plus speculated that it was she who pushed her mom to support the “Luke of Duh Year” contest as her way of getting back at the organizers of “Super Mongrel of the Weird” who gave the title to the aunt of the star witness and rescuer of PaPa’s “kiss of death” victim. Uncanny connection, isn’t it? And starting tomorrow, I will stop buying Cent Yuri Tunay. Balik-Ligo na ko – at least they have this really addictive tinapa variant. Of course, I didn’t mean “addictive” in the same manner PaPa, PeePee and their damned posse behave whenever they see Ajinomoto’s umami commercial on TV.

flipland said...

i should have kept the pic of the bullet hole in the gate! KG: your entires are better than coffee to get my day going! cheers!

NightwisH said...

One with external beauty can seek inner beauty. Those with inner beauty can achieve a measure of outer beauty. Bereft of both, beauty will not seek such a person out to become beautiful. Beauty recognizes those who are a complete physical and intellectual detriment to what is beautiful. In such a case, those utterly lacking in beauty are better off refraining from becoming beautiful. Carry on.

filipina42 said...

Miss Kitty, http://www. pep.ph/ picked up the story na. More than a week after it first came out came out here!

Galing, galing!

Gossip said...

Naku! Miss Kitty! PEP got hold of the story! Read kayo dali! :
http://www.pep.ph/news/20063/PART-I:-Two-celebrities-witness-"pepper-spray-incident"

and another one:
http://www.pep.ph/news/20064/Part-II:-Patricia-Panlilio%E2%80%99s-camp-denies-involvement-in-pepper-spray-incident

Anton said...

Hi Kitty...di ko nagets ang storya mo until I read your older posts...galing mo talaga magsulat....so funny. How are you? Anton Sy

An Unica Hija said...

OMG. Based from PEP interview, parang abnormal yung Rico PunO jr.!! Meron pa syang "blinded" na nalalaman, for being over protective to his "dakilang kabit", kaya di daw nya pansin ang kapaligiran dahil kay P.P. lang sya nakatingin. Grrrrr.
Abnormal a$shole.

I'm sure, abot-langit ang galit nya sa'yo ngayon Ms. Kitty. Hehe.

perfidalimpin said...

Guess who?!

http://www.nbi.gov.ph/most_wanted.htm

Twilight Zone said...

wow eto naka balandra din ang blogsite mo dito mam kits lolz

http://www.pep.ph/news/20298/FIRST-READ-ON-PEP:-Socialites-bury-pepper-spray-scandal:-Trish-apologizes;-Neny-drops-suit

Twilight Zone said...

wow eto naka balandra din ang blogsite mo dito mam kits lolz

http://www.pep.ph/news/20298/FIRST-READ-ON-PEP:-Socialites-bury-pepper-spray-scandal:-Trish-apologizes;-Neny-drops-suit

Twilight Zone said...

naku madam uunahan na kita dahil malamang huli nanaman ako sa balita, e da hu naman ini?

http://filipinagossipgirl-anythingeverything.blogspot.com/2008/12/pepper-spray.html

wala lang nadaanan ko lang kakagala gala ewan kung sang baul ko nahalukay ito at kung bakit ako napasok dito.