Monday, August 25, 2008

THE CRIMES OF FASHION (and hacking)

Before I get to the mane event (because you'll start tearing your hair out with the stupidity of the Shoppingera), I got some 'splainin' to do. Some readers have been asking about why Gorrell and I are angry at certain individuals.

Gorrell is LIVID and there will be LOADS more, boys, gheys and girls!!
And you know when he gets angry, it gets uglier than Ridge's face and Dispachadora's haircut.

Look at it this way: Our blogs are like fashion shows where there is as much action on the blogs as there is 'backstage.'

So here is your backstage pass/exectuive summary for Brian Grazer so you can understand our feelings which we have been keeping from you all month!! Imagine--a WHOLE month of secrets!!!

After bragging and blogging about their achievement of shutting down Chikatime, Ridge Bradley and Annie Batungbacal decided to take on Gorrell and me via hateblogs that they put up specifically to insult us. (If I closed Chikatime I would be ASHAMED to face anyone let alone admit it!!)

At first, Gorrell and I decided to ignore them because they were simply hurling insults at us and threatening to 'expose' us. The only thing that will expose us is LED lighting.

In my case, the hateblogs were linked through comments which I foolishly allowed since I am a believer in free speech...Well, look what it got me. It was like allowing a cobra to latch onto my leg and feeding it a mouse everyday.

But then came extortion and inciting violence. (Did they really THINK I would pay money for something that didn't have a Lanvin label??)

SO we HAD to do something like turn the tables against them. Then it became CHAKAtime because not only did THINGS get ugly but Ridge and the shop girl ARE UGLY!!

Because they spent a WHOLE MONTH threatening to expose us but did not come up with anything that could send us closing our blogs, we decided to take matters into our own blogs.
Ok--so I'm a lesbian. Can I help it if my dogs are cute and cuddly??

Our allies in the cyber-playground were more than happy to cooperate having been bullied by these two who bullied our favourite Chikatime into closure.

Clearly, they do not have as many on their team as Brian and I do.

Well, maybe that is WHY they had to put up hate blogs.
To criticize, you have to have facts, not just empty threats and good and loyal moles to back you.
A sense of humor helps too...Which is what Chikatime had!!
They were going to reveal incriminating information about me and Brian.

Bring it on but I hate to disappoint the frog and his partner in fashion crime.

We got to the playground FIRST! And all the swings are occupied by OUR FRIENDS.

You cyber monkeys can always take the jungle gym.

AND NOW FOR OUR FEATURE PRESENTATION:

The bRidge over Troubled Waters has gone a bRidge too far.
But it seems not far enough in his modelling career…
Just as far as fake names and phoney achievements.
Now he’s so busted, McNulty has to move him to a Panamanian jail.

But enough of him because he is a typical has-been that never had been, worse than a loser on Pinoy Big Brother.

Of course, it takes one to know one as you will see from this entry about the person who promised to launch his modelling career –whynot.com? (hahaha!)
The tricycle industry is looking for an image model.

This blog originally started as an accompaniment to my books. It STILL IS!!
But as all of us know, truth is more exciting than fiction, which my books and this blog were originally created for.

Technically, everything I say is fiction unless it is interpreted otherwise.
Usually by the guilty.
Sino sa inyo ang guilty???

The last time I brought myself to write poison prose against someone was when Alica Santos-Daniels TRIED (but obviously failed) to malign me through her column. That was way before blogs were the way to spread the good, the bad and the fuggly.

Now this…. I hope, like my next book, it’s gonna be my LAST because I hate having to fight with someone who has far less fashion sense and common sense than I do. It's humiliating. FOR ME!

I don’t want to name names unlike Papa Gorrell who boldly gives a name to everything including his plants. The Europhile in me believes people should socialize and speculate. Talk to each other at cafes! You guys better get out and gossip face to face more often!

Last I heard, Gorrell had a new hybrid of poison ivy called Mabuhay in honour of the people of the Philippines who screwed him (in more ways than front, back and over) BIG TIME!!!

In the BC days (before computers), I would never reply to hate mail. And boy did I get A LOT as a columnist and editor!

However, online, things seem different---especially if violent threats and extortion are involved. I also can’t stand ‘jologs Tagalog”---very un-chic and very bad for the evolution of our national language. But bakla-speak is always welcome even if I can’t understand the –itich- ‘codes.’ My brain is too slow.

As a rule, being a former career girl myself, I don’t like the idea of destroying people’s reputations which have a lot of bearing on their careers. I just FIRE them.

But this time I can’t.

So I fire prose.

Stupid, arrogant and ignorant advertising clients, creative directors, media buyers, PR people---- are you reading this??

If you’re not, lolokohin na naman kayo by those types like Tim Yap, Gretchen, Celine, etc…..

Then you’re REALLY gonna be folded, hung (up to dry) and all boxed up. In a McDo box. Lined in plains and prints.

I usually don’t talk about myself because I think OTHER PEOPLE and events are far more INTERESTING. I also prefer not to discuss my lifestyle unless I am promoting something like a book.

But this is an exception…..

Bitchiness and cattiness? Everyone knows I was born with a knife in my mouth and fire in my fingers.
Hated by my staff? It don’t matter to me, honey, as long as I gets the job done. You gets?
Sex? Done that. A lot.
Drugs? Done that. Enough to still remember the sex.
Lies? Who hasn’t done it? Let’s start with DJ and Ridge….
Video tape? I wish I HAD done that. Think of how much I’d be making today!


But one thing I NEVER did was ride on other people’s coat tails. In fact, I LEFT the Philippines so I could never be accused of that. And sure enough---before Sex and the City had a script, I was already living that life. That’s why I find the show so corny.

Why go back to my old life?? It was good then but I think I have it better now.

I do not latch on to other blogs with higher traffic to promote my sad blog plastered with press releases and window shopping. Nor do I latch on to other blogs with the aim to destroy them.

I also do not latch on as stylist to some movie star and charge a client 350,000 pesos to put the girl in a white shirt and jeans!! That’s my maid’s ‘going to the grocery’ uniform! (But no jeans allowed under my watch—only chinos or twill. And it’s all black in the winter and all white in the summer if you want to know)

And who is this IJOT client, may I ask? Perhaps I can write you a press release at 200 USD a word….??? Email me at this blog. Would be a great pleasure.


I hope this stylist still has some of that money because she’s REALLY gonna need it.

Not all is lost because there are options……Look on the bright side!! Think positive if your career is heading negative!!

Well, there is always the Inquirer but they ain’t payin’ you no 350,000 pesos. Maybe 3500 a story WITH pictures pa!! Like her husband’s work, perhaps?
At the STAR you might have to work for freebies. Or you can charge per sq inch like your editor.
OR she could work at any of the glossy magazines. If they have the readership they all CLAIM, perhaps she can establish a following as big and loyal as Gorrell’s.

That’s IT! Why not have your own ideas and your own angle like Gorrell….???
(The RIGHT angle??)

Shame…He was just brave and angry enough to think of it first!
That’s what you get if you don’t take a stand!!

Oh by the way, speaking of standing on your two feet, have you received your gladiator sandals yet?
Because they are now so out you have to bury them (like your career) for aliens to unearth light years from now.

I hate to tell you, I just came back from London where I had a major shopping spree at Rupert Sanderson.

But then again, you wouldn’t know such an esoteric brand because you didn’t even know Nancy Gonzalez when her name first came up. And you spelled Wayfarers wrong.

Of course I’ve nevah been a low-brow Jimmy Choo wearing woman datchoo are…..

And you call yourself a stylist??? Of what? Dead people??

I wouldn’t even let you style my sock drawer!


You know how things come full circle? I have another career suggestion for you.
Go back to where you came from as a dispachadora as our Chikatime friends used to call you.

Is that why you had them closed? Poor things. They had a good concept, too.

Are you going to try closing down every blog with a strong following??

WHAT?? Have the cheap dispachadora shops selling Italian clothes from China closed??? NHOO>>…..But what about the Paniki mentor??? Can he help?

There is always McDonald’s in a foreign country if you are too ashamed to ‘work it’ in Manila. After all, you have the husband and the passport unlike poor lil’ ol’ moi who still has a Pinoy passport!

A word of advice from coffee to cocktails: I don’t think you can be a barista sa America because Starbucks is closing 600 stores. Bartender, pwede….

Then you better see an agency…such as Why Not??? Why not? It’s better than a travel agency!

Okay kids…Talking about travel agencies…..
I’m going to be gone for a few days so no posts until early September because I am not hi-tech. Travelling NOT FOR FREE, you see.
When I get back, even if I am paying for this trip, I will give you a full report if there is anything exciting like Colin Firth winking at me.

NOT LIKE SOME people who take free trips and don’t report on them and get banned by the Singapore Tourism Board!!!

Meanwhile, stay cool and stay out of trouble.

28 comments:

flyy said...

woohoo go (kitty) go!!
this is really entertaining.
i bet shoppingera is quivering right now.
LMAO
:)
wayferers.
HAHA.
fucking unbelievably stupid "stylist".
love the blog!

Macca said...

The shoppingera ought to add another item to her shopping list...a new career!

MM said...

as always Kitty, you hit the nail right on the head.....

These nothins' don't know whats comin' to them...

Don't anger sleepin' dragons boys and girls.....

Gina said...

I lurve colin firth! would rather read about him than the ridged shoppingera. i say after this expose- ignore her! her 15 minutes are up!- she is sooo last season. (or 10 seasons ago?... )
feeling important na da ridged shoppingera!

equilibrium2008 said...

hahaha i miss reading your blog. Very entertaining. Shoppingera is hiding now... Go Kitty

Being-a-bitch-is-part-of-my-charm said...

And she really does work it like she owns it! I love you, Kitty Go!

On the other hand, I hate that baduy "shoppingera" who does nothing in her amateur blog but copy Bryanboy and Cecile!

andy said...

ha! ha!

look at that..

i knew it..

will somebody call the NBI and pick up the fugly hacker!?

and bring jenni with u..the accomplice (or mastermind?) to the CRIME!

Rosanna said...

mama kitty,

BRAVO BRAVO BRAVO! TAMA LANG yang ginawa mo, akala ng japayuking yan na kaya ka niyang gibain, i admire your wit and richness of language. sosyal! eto ang message ko sa mabuhay girl: hoy bruha wag ka mag ilusyon! kung hindi mo pa pinakain ang puke mo sa foreigner mo na husband hindi ka pa magkakaapilyido ng "ep**rso*" at magkakapassport! ikaw ang dakilang ilusyonada ng manila! nakakasuka ang site mo about fashion! kaya pls lang wag mong itry na sirain or wasakin si mama kitty or si brian dahil ako ang makakalaban mo! luka lukang shoppingera!

at mama kitty, i have no message dun sa asungot niya. it will cheapen your site if i mention that ilusyonadang model model. bwahahaha. go go mama kitty! i'll buy chikatime.com and open it again. in due time. pramis!

colegiolo said...

Kitty, shouldn't you bring the Jesuits, the Christian brothers, the Assumption siters, the Marknoller order, the ICAn sisters (forgot the name of the congregation, to police the blogs and give a huge stare at shoppingera? That would be a huge social and structural riot! Then Eddie Villanueva and Mike Velarde would insist on stepping in. Then you are really made. There would be a denoument if Ely Soriano comes into your blog.

pungster said...

ang taray! ;-)

sunny said...

I super love this post! Very well written too!

kicknsplat said...

Fierce! (Sorry yang word na yan ay ten seasons ago na din.)

Go Kitty!

winner takes all said...

Gago yang shoppingera na yan!!!

Akala mo kung sino syang nagpasara ng Chikatime palibhasa kase bistado sya sa Chikatime!!!!!!!!!!

I hate her to the bone for closing down chikatime!!!!

Si KC Concepcion lang ang nauuto nya stylan wahahaha!!!!

bebe said...

Haha! Loves it... The Young Daughter of NegaStar, client of the shoppinggera should hire a new stylist STAT!! Waaaat?? Baggy jeans and white shirt?! Asus!

Kitty Stop said...

hey kitty ! How do you know it's the shoppingera who wrote the hate blog.. Didn't you even think it could be someone else .. A woman perhaps who hates you even more. The shoppingera has no reason to hate you. You might be barking at the wrong tree. hint hint...

The Nashman said...

Is this artista who needs a stylist for 350K the same artista who went to study in Paris but not in the Sorbonne??

Luz said...

This is all so confusing...
Why all the fuss? It seems silly and immature - I can understand Brian getting all kaka (and frankly, lashing out violently) over this, but you are certainly smarter. There's room for all you - including silly Mabuhayshoppinggirl and that strange Ridge. brian flips whenever someone writes an opposing opinion or unflatteringly about him but you are seasoned ournalist who supports freedom of speech, and we assume, balance.
Did you really get death threats?
Anyways, that haterhate site is back - loopy as ever.
don't you ever tire of all this inanity? Let's hope you sell a lot of books!
You are certainly above all this.

jade worldwide said...

the catwoman's claws came out! more,more!
great post and like so many others, hate this mabuhay girl for closing down chikatime.

Anton said...

Wayferers???? OMG! I saw the entry in her blog and...you would have thought it was a typo...and then you see it again...and again...and again.....and she's supposed to be fashionable???

sankyu said...

AWWWWWWWWW this is a very interesting, informative and entertaining post you guys made hello kitty very mad now she is the Lion Queen =<^-_-^>=

ulcerboy said...

As my fellow masa peeps would say... inutusan lang magbenta sa Linea, naging pasionista na! Ayos ah!

+YOUTHLEADER said...

I believe this blog is not all about Kitty, this is beyond her telling people how she is as a journalist or about her at all, there is more and that is to remind us that the likes of Shopingera (tindera sa shopping area) and her ilk do exist and we have to be aware...their likes will certainly bring us back to generations where civility is unknown to many.....

We thank Kitty for exposing them, let this be a reminder that a woman as evil as that tindera exist among us, let us find a way to stop them like what Kitty and Brian do...

fairygoddess said...

this woman claimed to be "fashionista", doesn't know Nancy Gonzalez???!!!...Oh my, a mortal sin. How about Carlos Falchi...let's see. Sweetheart, you can never buy class, you must be born with it...how unfortunate of you.

Oriellini said...

Kitty dear,wrinkles!!!!Just don't forget to smile after all these fierce post....we love you even more.

Oriellini said...

Stylist?for whom?...to a mega-daughter,unfortunately!Have you seen this young actress trotting around town,promoting something,wearing some ugly(well,all of it)clothes and styled by the Shoppingera aka dispachadora?I don't gettit!!!!Nor do i care about it!!!It's just so BADUY.PERIOD.

Verushka said...

hay ya yay!! poor Chikatime (I miss them)closed down due to Shoppingera and cohorts.the ghels and ghey lambasted her left and right,ang mga baho nya linalabas.I really don't get it why the megadaughter gets her as a stylist eh mas stylistic pa ang yaya ko!

POP Quiz: what is the maiden name of Shoppingera?

Esep..esep does anyone know? o yung mga taga ________ magazine who laughed at her family name, do you still remember?

kupao1502 said...

wow someone is really feisty!

crinkleton said...

I saw Kc Concepcion last month in MOA, she was having this free concert and as she performed, she was wearing dark skinnies, a white thin (THIN) shirt worn as off shoulder type with a screaming red bra peeking out. Of course with red pointy puta heels. All done by the lovely shopingera.